Using the Tools Available: DIY and Mediation
Couples that would otherwise benefit from mediation often choose DIY divorces. People choose DIY for the following main reasons: (1) financial limitations, (2) wanting a divorce completed quickly, or (3) have amicable separations and don’t want to involve attorneys. These are all common and legitimate reasons. Mediation covers these reasons but is more affordable and effective in the long term than DIY.
On the surface, DIY divorces appear to be the cheapest and easiest option because you only have to pay for the filing fees and it’s just the two of you involved. However, when I worked in family law litigation the most expensive and most emotional cases I would see were modifications where the original divorce was a DIY. In these cases, people under assumed the complexity involved in divorces. It was so easy to get married, right? Why shouldn’t the divorce be easy if we both want it?
Divorces are difficult and emotional, so unsurprisingly some things are forgotten about or put in the “let’s speak about that later” box—from the Victoria Secret credit card you opened 5 years ago and forgot about, to the question, “how are we going to introduce new partners to the children?” Mediation offers a third person present to ease these conversations and ensure nothing is forgotten about.
Without accounting for all assets, putting conversations off to another day, or taking into consideration the brain fog we encounter during difficult times, couples often make mistakes and oversights that they later come to regret. This usually results in high-tension, high-emotional post-divorce conflicts that lead to expensive litigation, racking up costs and family turmoil. This can be avoided through mediation—in the divorce or post-divorce stage.
Divorces require discussions, whether you are in mediation or DIY. In DIY divorces, couples can come to roadblocks in their conversations, or lead the conversation with just emotion – all lengthening the time it takes couples to move forward and find a solution. Mediation offers a path of resolution through those roadblocks and emotions. Thus, being able to avoid lengthy court cases or lengthy separations where your status with each other is unknown.
As humans we can quickly forget the good times when we are constantly facing difficult times; our egos love conflict and like us to remain there. Mediation brings couples together to let the ego go—to remember that while this is difficult now, we can come together and move forward in a positive manner and be happier on the other side. Like DIY, in mediation everyone at the table as a voice in the final agreement. Use the tools available to you; mediation is an effective and affordable tool to ensure you only have to go through this process once and without remorse.
