Summertime Parenting Arrangements: How to Avoid Arguments and Mix-Ups Next Year
Summertime can be difficult for co-parents who both work. Summertime arrangements require both parents to work together to determine travel plans, vacations, camps, babysitters/nannies, etc. Mediation can help parents create and determine arrangements that fit their family’s needs. As summer has ended and the children have return to school, now is a great time to revise your agreement to accommodate new changes after the past summer and as school begins.
Travel arrangements with the child should always be in your parenting agreements. It is important that each parent is comfortable with the travel – weather it is day trips, traveling to overnight camps, or visiting relatives in another state/country. Learning to be open and trusting is crucial for travel to work out without arguments or mix ups; agreements help develop trust and communication. Parents can offer itineraries, travel documents, and open use of phone/face-time/zoom conversations to ease the other parent during this travel time.
Pre-determined vacation time should also always be in your agreements. Each parent can decide where they are going and when by a certain date prior to summer. This gives both parents and the child knowledge about the vacation in advance and permits everyone to plan accordingly.
But what about unplanned events such as business trips or a visiting a sick relative? Often parents will agree to give the other parent the “right of first refusal,” this provides that if one parent is unable to care for the child during their allotted time, they first ask the other parent to take the child before asking others. Alternatively, the parents agree that the child will stay with the other parent, or family living close by, and/or a designated and agreed upon neighbor or friend. Having these options in your agreements provides parents with a guideline on how to deal with unexpected situations.
Sometimes choosing who will babysit the children during the work hours can cause issues as parents may have different requirements, expectations, and budgets when choosing a caretaker. It is important to discuss these requirements, expectations, and budgets before the summer begins—so that the situation is stable for your child. Similar discussions and issues can arise for planning the child’s camps or summer programs. It is very important to be respectful towards the other parent’s thoughts and try to find a compromise. If you are having a difficult time discussing these issues, Mediation can play an important role to help facilitate and move these discussions along in an affordable manner.
These issues are not always resolved in agreements or are simply overlooked in separation/divorce agreements, particularly those agreements from DIY separations. It can take years and a few revisions for an agreement to fit every circumstance. It is during these changes that mediation can play a major role in maintaining communication and cooperation among the parents—the understanding and acceptance of putting the child’s needs first.
If these circumstances are not in your agreement, this is the perfect time to add amendments to your agreements and or revise your agreement reflect current needs. Or if these circumstances need updating, contact us to set up a few mediation sessions to get it resolved. Now is the best time as everything is still fresh in your mind and there is no pressure for time.
