The Best Time to Start Mediation Sessions: For Separations.

A common question I receive in my consults is, “when is the best time to come to mediation?” or “how do we know we are ready?”

  The best time to start mediation is after you both have discussed separation. Telling your partner you want to separate is an extremely difficult conversation for both parties, regardless of it being one-sided or mutual. It takes time to process. For most people starting mediation very shortly after this discussion, particularly when it is one-sided, they don’t have enough time to process their emotions about the separation, and therefore they have to go through it during the sessions.

 When this occurs one partner often goes through various stages during the sessions—shock, depression, anger, and acceptance. These stages then influence the party’s decision-making during mediation over the weeks. I have found where people agree to certain terms during their shock or depression stage and then get upset about the terms weeks later in their angry stage, or they misunderstood the terms since they were not fully mentally ready for the discussion. Allowing your partner the respect to be able to process their emotions before mediation only leads to better and longer lasting agreements for the future.

  The length of time to process changes for each person. Some people are able to accept the situation and want to engage in the separation discussions earlier than others. Understanding the difficulty of the situation for both parties can be a great ground base for starting mediation—whereas you are able to empathize and compromise.

  This should not discourage people from seeking mediation consults before this conversation however—as that can help you become aware of an available path that is amicable. Too many times have I spoken with clients who had attorneys advise very confrontational and aggressive actions to their clients before the client had even told the other party they wanted a separation. Starting the discussion offensively does not set the stage for open dialogue.

  It is important to remember that there was a time when you two got along and decided to start a life together. Now you able to end that stage of life together and become self-determined for your new path forward.

Contact us to set up a consult to ask all your questions about mediation options and the process; find out if you two are ready to move forward.