How to incorporate extended family into your co-parenting arrangement

As we continue the holiday season, for many families, this time may remind them of the importance of extended family in their lives and the lives of their children.

In some families and some cultures, extended family is a vital and essential part of the family dynamic. Our modern family court systems rarely include or consider extended family members or non-traditional parents in the co-parenting arrangements due to the added complexity and our cultural/legal nuclear family model. However, one of the benefits of going to mediation is the ability to include your extended or non-traditional family in the agreement.

This inclusion has a wide range of implications, including family holidays, family reunions, childcare arrangements, and maintaining family connections for children with their cousins/aunts/uncles and grandparents. This inclusion strengthens the child’s transition during and after the separation by maintaining some stability and keeping to family traditions.

These discussions are not only important for those who live near their extended family, but for those who live far away from them. We would discuss topics such as: family offered childcare, maintaining long-standing traditions such as Saturday or Sunday dinners, discuss long distance trips to visit family/long term friends—the when, where, and how—including how to finance these trips now that family finances may be strained. Furthermore, these discussions are important because now parents have less time with their children, and parents often struggle with letting go of more time so that their children can visit relatives/friends. Alternatively, the agreement can place restrictions on the child’s time with extended family members or parent’s friends that may be a cause concern for a parent.

Furthermore, agreements can include parenting time for those parents who wish to stay in regular contact with children who they are not legally related to—possibly from a former relationship from the other spouse or with polyamorous families.

Mediation offers parents the opportunity to customize your parenting arrangement to fit the needs and wants of your family, to ensure that your child’s life maintains some continuality from their old life. Mediation aims to avoid future issues by having the conversation today. Families are unique and therefore so should your agreement. Contact us to discuss how to customize your agreement.